Ive started gathering my life, and maybe following some rules too. Can you see I’m following the punctuation and the laws of writing too?
Being scared of following the rules has always been a concern. What if I become boring? Or bored?
the incessant need for creativity comes from destruction, or so I think. or so, I do. Having rebelled for so long, I gave in to the mundane. Exercise, eating healthy, reading regularly, writing everyday (not here, for work), running errands, and what not. (even put an oxford comma if you can see).
Reflecting on my recent change of hanging on to a more stable routine is kinda- ehh. I am healthier in heart mind soul and spirit now. Balancing better than before, even walking straighter lines. funny, how I grew. and i’m still growing. I still crack jokes, and laugh louder, and gulp down gol-gappay and spill everything on my clothes. Some things never change. but some do.
With my recent changes, i’ve grown as a person who understands the importance of time. people. places. love. humility. kindness. but had it not been for who I was, wild and wicked - I wouldn’t be here. the levels of gratitude have shot up too. the colors appear much hazier now. Its like reverting from a 4K life to a 1080P youtube video. Less like a movie, more like a ted channel. Instead of pushing my limits in outdoing others with the most ridiculous stuff like sliding down a man-hole to get something back up Ive started pushing my limits to doing more reps.
I am deliberately practising consistency. something I always sucked at. I like going from one thing to another to another and another. maybe because I get bored so quick. but now, I push myself harder to just be bored. its nice sometimes. to see myself practising calm. which i’ve never been. the calm is also not the regular calm, I still stand on tables, and drive to see skies, and call out the beautiful in the ordinary. its more of finding peace and gratitude in who I can be when i’m not fully me. which is okay. it makes me see the sides of me, which are necessary for doing great. i’m too afraid to be an average. for the love of establishing something so big, I changed to doing so much for myself to invite a pattern of consistent growth.
Someone recently taught me to reflect. Its been a helpful technique, looking back, analyzing, doing better, failing, but continuing. made me realize i’m an agent of change and growth always. give me 10, ill make it 100. give me a department, ill make it a company. give me harshness, ill turn it into kindness, give me love, ill make it everlasting. the ability to multiply so quickly, is something so humbling.
it goes both ways though, for the good and bad. inherently, I focus only on the good. the city dripped in rain, the plants turning greener, closing more deals, the carts of fruits and vegetables, cute gifts, nice people, so much love
maybe this will be a part ill look back at, sometime later in life.
hopefully, there’s something yellow waiting on the other side.
till then,
ill enjoy the stars
my life has been nothing short of a miracle, and right now i’m not in need of anything
what a blessing though, to overcome the fear of getting boring with so much warmth and love
have you ever looked for peace for so long, that when it comes, it overwhelms?
its true, there is yellow on the other side and i’m ready
Listening to: Waves, Dean Lewis